West Coast Frisbees: Ultrasound Pictures and More to the Story

None of our losses were easy. I'm sure most people would think our first loss that happened when we thought we had gotten to 11 weeks - almost into the "safe zone" and time to tell family and friends - would have been the hardest. And don't get me wrong - it was definitely devastating. I think we were more in shock since I had had an ultrasound at 8 1/2 weeks and saw a heartbeat (miscarriage rates drop to about 5% after seeing a heartbeat). We just assumed it was our time to experience the bad luck and problems that can come with pregnancy (after witnessing it happen to a few friends of ours earlier). We went right back to trying as soon as we were allowed following the D&C.

I think the second loss hit me even harder. Mostly because it took a long 10 cycles (which felt like an eternity at the time) to see another positive pregnancy test. I got that test on Valentine's Day and it was such a happy day. When that pregnancy ended just 3 short days later, it crushed me. My Dr. said to treat that cycle as I normally would, since I was technically only a day late for my "period" and most women wouldn't even have known they had gotten pregnant that cycle, but since we were trying and I was testing early, I knew. :(

I found out I was pregnant the third time shortly before our trip out to Cape Cod for Jim's sister's wedding (about 4 months after the second loss). We were so excited to be able to tell everyone the good news. Because of my history up until this point, my OB/GYN was monitoring me as soon as I got a positive at-home test and from the start, my pregnancy hormone numbers were not doubling as they should. So instead of celebrating, we spent 4 hours at the hospital triage the night before our flight trying to figure out if this pregnancy was ectopic or I was just going to miscarry again. My numbers started going down and I was released to go on the trip. I miscarried the day of the wedding.

After our third loss, my OB/GYN referred us to a fertility specialist and after lots of testing, one thing we discovered was that my thyroid hormone was way off - I wasn't making enough (hypothyroidism) and that can be detrimental to the development of a fetus. Although it was shocking to hear this news and frustrating to know we'd have to wait several months to get my thyroid stable before trying again, it was nice to have a potential reason as to why this kept happening. Especially an easily-fixable reason.

Once my thyroid was back in the normal range, we decided to try again and this time, with Clomid to increase our chances for more than one egg and hopefully stronger, more healthy eggs too. Thank goodness I was closely monitored because I took the lowest dosage and my ovaries decided to completely over-stimulate and released 5 eggs in one cycle! Obviously, we were told not to try that month (another set back). So we were back to trying on our own.

Our fourth pregnancy came shortly after Christmas last year and we celebrated the New Year with the hope that this one would finally be the one. After discovering and resolving my thyroid problem and some good numbers in the beginning, this one looked promising. Around the 5 1/2 week mark, I went into my fertility doctor's office for an early ultrasound after having some bleeding and there was nothing there. Blood tests confirmed my numbers were going down. Jim and I weren't sure where to go from this point. My fertility doctor had always been very patient with us when we said we wanted this to happen naturally if at all possible, but he said from the start that IVF would be our fastest, most guaranteed way to get to baby #2.

We decided to give it another chance since we felt like we were so close and we just really wanted it to happen naturally. And here we are today with what feels like our miracle baby growing strong. :) I debated putting all of these details into a post, but it's real and it's our story. I have to admit it has made enjoying pregnancy really difficult. Every step, every milestone has been nerve-racking (and I may have scheduled a few extra Dr. appointments and doppler/ultrasounds along the way!), but I think we are at a point where we can at least breathe and be excited for this one's arrival in January. I'll never stop worrying, but such is the nature of being a Mom. :)

And now that I have put all of this out there, I want to move on and focus on the positive. This little baby will probably never know or understand how long and hard we longed for his/her arrival, but we will do our best to show it through our actions and with our love. Here are our ultrasound pictures from the beginning.

5/20/2013 - 6 weeks, 3 days